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I recently ran across an article written by psychiatrist Paul Tournier about a father who had a problem with one of his daughters, a little girl who was very quiet.
The little girl was shy, unable to express herself outwardly. The father was an outgoing person and most of the other children were too. He was just puzzled and bewildered and confused about this, but he tried to understand. On one occasion he gave his quiet little daughter a gift, an elegant little glass elephant on a gold chain, to put around her neck.
He put it down on the table in front of her and said, “I have brought you a special present just for you.” Well, she was just overwhelmed! Her mouth dropped open and she stared at this beautiful gift. She sat there for several minutes, staring at the elephant, unable to speak. Then she got up and went into the other room to try to tell her mother what had happened.
When she came back into the room, she was totally shocked to see her beautiful little elephant dangling from her sister’s neck. The father said, in a kind of off handed way, “Well, you didn’t want it, so I gave it to your sister.”
Didn’t want it? He wasn’t listening! He wasn’t listening to the joy of her silence. Years later the little girl found herself in therapy, trying to trace back the tragic feeling she had that no one was listening down through the years. Listening is the key to understand ourselves, our family members, and others.
This past week I had the privilege of giving each of my grandchildren a gift while we were at Disney. Hunter quietly snuggled his elephant we watched them make at Build a Bear. Elsie, screamed “you bought that for me?” after I handed her a castle with all the characters. William, after riding the wildest ride of them all, walked straight over and selected a “Groot” from the gift shop. Andrew and I took a quiet walk to shop for something special for him. He quietly, picked out a water bottle that caught his eye–after we had visited four or five gift shops.
They each responded differently, but in their own way they expressed joy and happiness. If we expect people to respond in a specific way we are often disappointed. If we listen to their own special responses we can find great joy.
This is my story…